It's interesting that many of the drastic changes we experience don't occur instantly. Instead, there's a sort of gradual easing into of the new reality as the old is lost or grieved. It's a bit like electron clouds, actually. Or maybe just that fun ol' Heisenberg uncertainty principle: you can't simultaneously define an object's position and its momentum. Of course, when the said object is something big and fast like a train when you're tied up on the tracks, Rocky and Bullwinkle style, you don't need to define it because you can be certain that it'll smoosh your brains out. --As an aside, that is one of the most terrifying things I can think of. Whenever I step into the street, I just
know that I'm going to trip and fall backwards so that my head is exactly positioned in the path of a tire (attached to a wheel attached to a vehicle, of course, but let's preserve some clarity) and squish! my skull will be crushed. I suppose it's horrendous because I don't like to imagine something as definite as a face becoming unrecognizable. You'd lose your identity to that death, but not the rest of yourself: it'd almost be like losing a couple million years of evolution. --Speaking of identity (uh-oh, the tangents are stacking), getting killed is sort of the equivalent to the death of your first name, but becoming sterile (la la la castraaaati!) is the death of your last name. Sorry about that one; it was inexcusably random. Back to the subject at hand, then.
Anyway, identity; death; fear; uncertainty, principle of, OH yes--Heisenberg. Change. Gotcha. So I was pondering death again, alone, at one-thirty or so last night (a blatant fabrication) and I was trying to discern that exact point of no return (pardon) at which a being ceases to be. When do all the cells say, 'let's give up, wait for it, wait for it...NOW!' and then die? Because I've definitely heard that certain cells stay alive for up to twenty-four hours after the brain shuts down. Could it be restarted? I mean, how many cells must a person lose, before you can call them a (dead) man? (Sorry.)
On a less morbid, but perhaps equally sad, note, what about relationships? Where, exactly, does one determine that the time and effort required are just not worth it? Sometimes, certainly, one makes this decision but still pursues the relationship for weeks or even months; like death, though, the decision is usually irreversible.
I'm beginning to get this little twitch in my left index, left middle, right thumb, left ring, right middle, right ring fingers--you guessed it, the big FREE WILL topic! But no, sorry, folks, it's just a bit much right now. We'll certainly touch upon it later.
Egad, this reminds me of CHANGE (Ha, 'reminds'? I've been talking about basically one thing this entire time, and I haven't been referring to what's jingling in my altoid tin.) --anyway, about it being an oxymoron. You know, everything in this life/world/experience changes but change itself? How ironic that change is the one constant thing, the one solid and definite and firm aspect of our individual realities. Jeez, you know that dumb idea (des Cartes, as usual, the scoundrel) that the senses are our definition of reality, so basically whatever is perceived is true? Well I sort of think that change is what links our fragmented idea-existences together to create cultural unity, or at least common identity. But I really mustn't bother to explain myself now, because boy! am I sleepy.